kespernorth: (lolcats)
2011-02-28 09:11 pm

Journal of Catology: A Survey of Substance Dependance on Freeze-Dried Oncorhynchus nerka

An emerging threat in the war on kitties on drugs, cubes of the freeze-dried flesh of the O. nerka, or sockeye salmon, have become popular as a so-called 'designer drug' among the upscale professional and suburbanite cat populations. Far removed from common catnip, the so-called 'Orange Crack' is instantly and highly addictive. Worse yet, this drug is not yet scheduled by the FDA, so it is commonly available in petshops throughout the Pacific Northwest. The only barrier to entry is the high price the drug commands, necessitated due to the expense and rarity of obtaining the fish from which the drug is processed, as well as the processing cost itself.

Street names
Orange Crack, Cubes, Dust, Salmon Treats

Symptoms
Onset properly begins before the drug is even ingested, as the Orange Crack is olfacto-active: its effects are so potent that, like catnip, a reaction can be brought on simply through smell. The subject's senses become both heightened and confused, and the subject is so overwhelmed by this sensory input that he or she may become confused as to the location of the drug itself. Eventually the subject is able to zero in on the drug cube and consume it. This leads to a brief euphoria that dissipates almost instantly, leaving behind a profound desire to consume more and more of the drug. If the subject is denied access to another dose, she will begin to mew insistently, sometimes resorting to distress vocalizations in hopes of inspiring pity.

After a time the worst of the addictive need will fade, but can reappear at any time, including the middle of the night or during human mealtimes. Denial of additional treats can then lead to desperate acts including vandalism, theft and destruction of property as the subject attempts to gain access to the drug.

An unusual facet of this drug is that it seems to improve feline memory (see Social Consequences).

Overdose
Cats have been known to accidentally gain access to very large supplies of salmon treats, usually as a result of accidental carelessness on the part of humans. Dosages of 10-20 grams and higher are known to induce nausea and vomiting, anxiety and dehydration. A secondary effect brought on by dehydration can also occur, namely the induction of feline idiopathic cystitis, an irritation of the bladder lining.

Social Consequences

The most obvious social consequence is the disruption in the 'status quo' of expectation between cat and human, which can lead to stress in the cat-slave relationship. The cat comes to expect a steady supply of Orange Crack, not just as a reward for good behavior as is the case with other treats, but in association with other behaviors as well. Examples include:

* Hanging off the human's leg.
* Batting at the lid of the drug packaging.
* Waking the human up with a single sharply pointed claw, applied to the big toe.
* Pacing agitatedly over the human's sleeping form and howling pitifully.

The status quo can be adjusted, but only through diligent effort (and the use of sleep aids or narcotics) on the part of the human.

Treatment

There is no known treatment at this time. All attempts to substitute a less-addictive alternative, or to wean the subject off the drug entirely, have failed.
kespernorth: (eh?!)
2010-09-04 05:11 pm
Entry tags:

What the heck was i doing on july 11, 2003...

Apparently, whatever I was doing, I was in Ballard, behind what is now the cupcakes place, in a parking lot.

At least, according to this parking ticket.

Which I just received, seven years later.

For a car I haven't owned in almost as long.

What, in short, the fuck.
kespernorth: (internets)
2010-04-30 09:47 pm
Entry tags:

sagabox

Saga is very big on texture. Everything she interacts with must have an interesting texture - the food she eats, the surfaces she hangs out on, everything. And one of the oddest textures she enjoys is crepe paper. Her very favorite spot right now, which she is inhabiting at this very moment, is a large box that a pair of boots came in, which has been liberally stuffed with lots of nice, thin, crinkly paper for her to play with or snuggle up in. She likes to rest her head at the edge of the box and watch the goings-on in the room dubiously before tucking her head in the corner and snoozing. She looks very cozy, but I can't help but feel like it would be preferable to sleep on something a little more well-padded.

Like the World's Biggest Cat Bed, a large circular sofa with a high wall encircling one half of it, which is totally encrusted with orange cat hair as it is one of her other default sleeping spots.
kespernorth: (lolcats)
2009-12-05 08:11 pm
Entry tags:

Saga has a message for the internets!

She says:

"33333333333333333333aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

I came home to discover this message left waiting for you, the internets, on my laptop.

I will leave discovering the meaning of this message as an exercise to the reader.
kespernorth: (Default)
2009-08-28 06:21 pm

OH GOD A SNOW LEOPARD GET IN THE CAR

Beware installing Snow Leopard on your Mac. For if you are unlucky, or if you sin in the eyes of the Almighty Steve, it will find your DVD writer and do the following to its install media:



You have been warned.
kespernorth: (Default)
2009-08-02 05:04 pm
Entry tags:
kespernorth: (Default)
2009-06-16 12:31 am

otherwise engaged.


Engagement
Rings

Originally uploaded by ChemicalLace
Last night, over a postprandial glass of tokaji in the rose garden of Vadrózsa (a very fine restaurant here in Budapest), I asked Allyson to marry me.

She said yes, but there was one condition - that I marry her too, and she gave me with a ring of my own!

(It should be mentioned that we are having a good time on vacation and have seen many beautiful sights. We are looking forward to returning to Seattle and the mew on Saturday.)
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-11-27 04:55 am
Entry tags:
kespernorth: (boob)
2008-09-03 09:46 am

Why I won't be using Google Chrome either

Via Charles Stross, from the Google Chrome EULA:

11. Content licence from you

11.1 You retain copyright and any other rights that you already hold in Content that you submit, post or display on or through the Services. By submitting, posting or displaying the content, you give Google a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free and non-exclusive licence to reproduce, adapt, modify, translate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute any Content that you submit, post or display on or through the Services. This licence is for the sole purpose of enabling Google to display, distribute and promote the Services and may be revoked for certain Services as defined in the Additional Terms of those Services.


Oh, hell no.
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-08-31 03:10 am

what fun

(I-5, 80+ mph, convertible, blasting electronica in the afternoon sun)

(acceptable chinese food)

(swanning our way into the PAX shows)

(rocking out at the Darkest of the Hillside Thickets show as they played all my favorite songs)

(seeing long-lost bellinghamsters)

(having my friends scream my name as I walk into the Mercury)

Yes... it has been a good day. The only downside is missing so many calls from Allyson, whom I miss.
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-07-26 08:44 am
Entry tags:

shalom!

Safely in Tel Aviv. The overall efficiency of Ben Gurion International makes me want to cry: My bag was waiting for me when I cleared passport control, and I was only in line at passport control for a couple of minutes. I was in my hotel room 45 minutes after touchdown, and most of that was the 12-mile cab ride from the airport. I'm a bit crispy from the long flight, but otherwise well. Notable was the fact that I was on a brand-new 777-200ER with the new entertainment system -- 400 movies available on demand, plus TV episodes, plus MP3 jukebox. The sooner that sort of thing gets rolled out across all aircraft the better. :)
kespernorth: (internets)
2008-07-12 02:59 pm

stuff for sale - edited with addition

Panasonic stereo/radio/6-slot dvd/CD changer w/Dolby 6.1 surround sound, model SH-DV150 - $40
Ikea entertainment center, on rolling wheels - $20
27" RCA television, 90s vintage, with remote - free to whoever takes it away
Spice jars, glass with stainless steel lids, around 12 of them - free

pictures below the cut )
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-07-04 10:40 pm

quote of the night

[livejournal.com profile] sayaka: "This is like Fight Club for dorks!"

(edited for maximum correctness!)
kespernorth: (lolcats)
2008-06-07 02:19 pm
Entry tags:

proprietary mew engine

A: This isn't mess, just so you know, I've just got it out so that I can index it.
B: I thought the mew had already indexed it?
A: That's different. This is going on the Internet.
B: But she is a search engine! Doesn't she automatically put things on the Internet?
A: Her database is proprietary.
B: Oh, so she's like Lexis/Nexis. How do we get a subscription?
[livejournal.com profile] day_the_elf: Salmon treats!
B: Ah, okay.
A: Her metadata is really hard to decode, though.
B: Yeah. And her API is really poorly documented!
kespernorth: (eh?!)
2008-05-12 09:58 am

tasing, or: sunny with a chance of plant-throwing madmen

I can't possibly give the firsthand account that Allyson can of this event, so I won't even try -- I'll leave it to her to fill in the details. I can only show you these pictures:

http://datasphere.aestheneering.com/crazyperson/

And say that crazy people make kitty scared.

Everyone's okay, including the now-former neighbor who lost his shit and started trying to lure people into his apartment and throw potted plants down the hallway, and is now being evaluated at Harborview.

A member of the Seattle fire department who entered the man's unit said that he was "disturbed" by what he saw in there, and that he really wanted to wash his hands.

This is really more than we needed on top of the car incident.

On the other hand, it was almost worth it to hear the phrase "don't tase me, bro" get deployed, and that everyone present actually got it...
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-05-10 03:51 pm
Entry tags:

bad carma

We have the worst luck with cars. The car just got fixed last week, and I recently replaced the stereo after it was broken for a full year.

And we just discovered that someone broke into our building's secure parking garage (or more likely followed some inconsiderate person in who didn't pay attention) and smashed the car window and stole the brand new $400 stereo, a traffic monitor device we'd been testing, and about $500 worth of Allyson's CDs.

Filed the police report and gave the serial number of the stereo, but I don't expect we'll see any of that stuff again. I'm so angry right now I can hardly say.
kespernorth: (happy irken logo)
2008-05-07 11:35 am
Entry tags:

ApacheCon 2008 talk!

If this means what I think it means, my talk proposal for ApacheCon 2008 was accepted!

Status of your submissions for ApacheCon US 2008

NO2633 	Scheduled 	Turn Off The Lights Before You Go: Graceful Shutdown of OS Projects


I'm really excited about this. Mind you I really need to get rolling on a final release of Axis 1.5 now...
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-04-02 01:13 pm

another year

Time to get used to being 29. I'm a bit creeped out by it, but not as creeped out as I will be about 30.
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-03-20 01:11 pm
Entry tags:

pneumatic wheezings

Dear internets,

I am dead. After several weeks of working nonstop 12-to-18 hour days, my immune system crashed and I was sent home sick on Saturday. After going to the doctor I learned that I had pneumonia. I'm feeling a bit better now but I'm still somewhat feverish and decidedly divorced from reality. Hooray!

In other news, Saga is very dubious about the Roomba. She alternated between glaring at it and giving me this look of, "Are you SEEING this? There is a THING! In MY HOUSE! And it is MOVING and MAKING NOISE! Why in Bast's name are you permitting this?!"

And there was lots of !! BIG TAIL !!.

My brain is empty. I think I'll fill it up with soop.
kespernorth: (Default)
2008-03-16 11:52 am

The Merchants of Deva and Norwescon 31

The Merchants of Deva regretfully announce that they will not be holding a party at this year's Norwescon.

As you may know, there are several new policies and restrictions the hotel has put on room parties this year. Many of these are based on existing regulations that the hotel has only just this year begun to enforce.

You can find the complete list of room party rules here:
http://www.norwescon.org/documents/nwc31socialevents.pdf

We looked at the new guidelines from every angle, considering every possibility to determine how we could best meet these rules and still bring you the kind of party you've come to expect from us. In the end, there was no way we saw that we could.

We're sorry about the short notice on this, but we were hoping right up until the last minute we'd be able to find a way to make it work. We know you've told us time and again that our party and others like it are a big part of the reason you attend Norwescon, so we apologize to anyone whose travel plans or accommodation arrangements were even slightly based on the expectation of seeing us there.

Initially it looked like there was a strong possibility that we could use the Maxi's Restaurant space for our party, but the final terms from the hotel would have required us to use hotel bartenders and banquet staff instead of our own volunteers. The hotel told us this was due to union requirements, but we have not been able to independently verify this.

This meant we wouldn't really be throwing our own party any more. More importantly, it meant we would have to pay a 'corkage fee' for serving our own alcohol, which would effectively force us to charge for our drinks or charge a cover fee at the door. And we don't intend to do that to you.

By the time the hotel told us this, it was too late to explore other venues. We wish there was another way, but we would rather have no party at all than to have a party that wouldn't live up to our standards.

Don't get us wrong — we love Norwescon, the committee has been nothing but helpful to us, and they have our continued support. We have every intention of finding a way to bring the kind of parties you expect back to Norwescon. Unfortunately, there just wasn't enough time to reach a satisfactory solution this year.

We hope the Doubletree will work with us to find an amicable solution for next year. We've been their loyal customers for well over a decade, renting blocks of rooms, eating at their restaurants, and running up ridiculous bar tabs. We would like to be able to offer them our patronage again in the future.

In any event — have a great time at the con. We will. We'll see you there.

This document is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works License. Please redistribute.

Crossposted to:
http://community.livejournal.com/norwescon
http://www.freepowerboards.com/norwescon
http://norwesconclubs.freeforums.org
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/norwescon
http://tribes.tribe.net/nwc
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2358328874
http://forum.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=messageboard.viewCategory&groupID=102313307