kespernorth: (lolcats)
An emerging threat in the war on kitties on drugs, cubes of the freeze-dried flesh of the O. nerka, or sockeye salmon, have become popular as a so-called 'designer drug' among the upscale professional and suburbanite cat populations. Far removed from common catnip, the so-called 'Orange Crack' is instantly and highly addictive. Worse yet, this drug is not yet scheduled by the FDA, so it is commonly available in petshops throughout the Pacific Northwest. The only barrier to entry is the high price the drug commands, necessitated due to the expense and rarity of obtaining the fish from which the drug is processed, as well as the processing cost itself.

Street names
Orange Crack, Cubes, Dust, Salmon Treats

Onset properly begins before the drug is even ingested, as the Orange Crack is olfacto-active: its effects are so potent that, like catnip, a reaction can be brought on simply through smell. The subject's senses become both heightened and confused, and the subject is so overwhelmed by this sensory input that he or she may become confused as to the location of the drug itself. Eventually the subject is able to zero in on the drug cube and consume it. This leads to a brief euphoria that dissipates almost instantly, leaving behind a profound desire to consume more and more of the drug. If the subject is denied access to another dose, she will begin to mew insistently, sometimes resorting to distress vocalizations in hopes of inspiring pity.

After a time the worst of the addictive need will fade, but can reappear at any time, including the middle of the night or during human mealtimes. Denial of additional treats can then lead to desperate acts including vandalism, theft and destruction of property as the subject attempts to gain access to the drug.

An unusual facet of this drug is that it seems to improve feline memory (see Social Consequences).

Cats have been known to accidentally gain access to very large supplies of salmon treats, usually as a result of accidental carelessness on the part of humans. Dosages of 10-20 grams and higher are known to induce nausea and vomiting, anxiety and dehydration. A secondary effect brought on by dehydration can also occur, namely the induction of feline idiopathic cystitis, an irritation of the bladder lining.

Social Consequences

The most obvious social consequence is the disruption in the 'status quo' of expectation between cat and human, which can lead to stress in the cat-slave relationship. The cat comes to expect a steady supply of Orange Crack, not just as a reward for good behavior as is the case with other treats, but in association with other behaviors as well. Examples include:

* Hanging off the human's leg.
* Batting at the lid of the drug packaging.
* Waking the human up with a single sharply pointed claw, applied to the big toe.
* Pacing agitatedly over the human's sleeping form and howling pitifully.

The status quo can be adjusted, but only through diligent effort (and the use of sleep aids or narcotics) on the part of the human.


There is no known treatment at this time. All attempts to substitute a less-addictive alternative, or to wean the subject off the drug entirely, have failed.


kespernorth: (Default)
Kesper North

February 2011

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