a week with selena.
Jul. 1st, 2002 01:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kespernorthA week with her.
Not a frenetic forty-eight hours, trying to stuff everything we are into a fleeting weekend.
With a week, you have time. You can slow down, and settle into something that almost resembles a normal life.
Selena said it perfectly in her journal -- it feels like we've been together much, much longer than three months, and not in a bad way. We have the deep connection, the familliar ease of a longer-standing relationship... and the ability to work through problems like one too.
Throughout our time together, she's never ceased to amaze me. She cares so deeply... she dreams so beautifully... and it seems like no one ever realized this before. No one seems to have bothered to look into her heart and see the beauty there. Instead, she's given people her heart, and they have casually tossed it away, never knowing the miracle they beheld.
Not me. I love Selena, with all my heart and soul. I never want to come between either her dreams or the struggles she feels she must face. I want to help her fly, as she already helps me. I want to make her truly happy.
This week did a lot to prove to us both that yes, our relationship will last.
We've decided to spend the rest of our lives together.
This will likely be formalized at some point, once she's out of the Army and we're living together, but the important decision, the real committment, has already been made: I love her, and want to spend the rest of my life with her, and only her; and she wants to be with me, too.
It made me very happy, to watch her sleeping (she sleeps beautifully, in a tousle of black hair, eyes closed with graceful long dark lashes, mouth parted in a gentle smile, the noble lines of her face softened in the darkness), and know that the day will come when we won't have to leave any more, that we'll have decades together, that she'll be there, one way or another, for the rest of my life. I've never known what it would be like, to want that with someone. But now I do. And I am very, very glad to have found Selena.
Leaving her was a little easier, this time, because I'm not so afraid any more. It still hurt, it still brought tears of longing to my eyes, but the pain was tempered by the fact that I know that she loves me, and that that won't change, and that I feel confident that our love will stand the test of time. This week was very, very good for us. And her parting words to me, between our last kisses and before she set me on the moving walkway that would take me into the secure area, had an echo of portentious Truth about them:
That, love, was just a taste of what it will be like when I move to Seattle to be with you forever.
And those words still whisper in my mind. I smiled through the mist in my eyes as I moved through security, as I got on that plane, as I flew back to the cool dark misty night of my home.
I'm blessed, blessed to be loved by as shining and proud and strong and caring as Selena. I can only hope that I will make her as happy as she makes me.
Not a frenetic forty-eight hours, trying to stuff everything we are into a fleeting weekend.
With a week, you have time. You can slow down, and settle into something that almost resembles a normal life.
Selena said it perfectly in her journal -- it feels like we've been together much, much longer than three months, and not in a bad way. We have the deep connection, the familliar ease of a longer-standing relationship... and the ability to work through problems like one too.
Throughout our time together, she's never ceased to amaze me. She cares so deeply... she dreams so beautifully... and it seems like no one ever realized this before. No one seems to have bothered to look into her heart and see the beauty there. Instead, she's given people her heart, and they have casually tossed it away, never knowing the miracle they beheld.
Not me. I love Selena, with all my heart and soul. I never want to come between either her dreams or the struggles she feels she must face. I want to help her fly, as she already helps me. I want to make her truly happy.
This week did a lot to prove to us both that yes, our relationship will last.
We've decided to spend the rest of our lives together.
This will likely be formalized at some point, once she's out of the Army and we're living together, but the important decision, the real committment, has already been made: I love her, and want to spend the rest of my life with her, and only her; and she wants to be with me, too.
It made me very happy, to watch her sleeping (she sleeps beautifully, in a tousle of black hair, eyes closed with graceful long dark lashes, mouth parted in a gentle smile, the noble lines of her face softened in the darkness), and know that the day will come when we won't have to leave any more, that we'll have decades together, that she'll be there, one way or another, for the rest of my life. I've never known what it would be like, to want that with someone. But now I do. And I am very, very glad to have found Selena.
Leaving her was a little easier, this time, because I'm not so afraid any more. It still hurt, it still brought tears of longing to my eyes, but the pain was tempered by the fact that I know that she loves me, and that that won't change, and that I feel confident that our love will stand the test of time. This week was very, very good for us. And her parting words to me, between our last kisses and before she set me on the moving walkway that would take me into the secure area, had an echo of portentious Truth about them:
That, love, was just a taste of what it will be like when I move to Seattle to be with you forever.
And those words still whisper in my mind. I smiled through the mist in my eyes as I moved through security, as I got on that plane, as I flew back to the cool dark misty night of my home.
I'm blessed, blessed to be loved by as shining and proud and strong and caring as Selena. I can only hope that I will make her as happy as she makes me.
