lyrics appropriate to the situation.

I know it's over
and it never really began
but in my heart
it was so real...

and:

Love is natural and real
but not for you, my love
not tonight my love
love is natural and real
but not for such as you and I, my love

An epitaph, of sorts.

I broke up with 01flux last night.

It was one of the hardest things I ever did. I knew it had to be done if either of us were going to stay sane and keep from hating each other -- yet it was the last thing I wanted to do. Once the anger and pain and confusion died down, all I had left was longing and regret.

We had a peculiar magic, she and I, one which I never wrote of here, before. Virtually everyone who knows us thought we were the most unlikely pair, yet we had a chemistry, an honesty, a meeting of opposite points of view, and a deep love of all things beautiful, which could be so inspiring. She was willing to do beautiful things with me, and recognize the fact that they were beautiful; that the things we did and saw together were the sorts of things one expects to find only in movies. And there was a strange, fundamental rightness that we felt together, despite everything.

I regretted breaking it off long before I left her apartment.

She is an enigma, a delight, a butterfly-geisha born to the wrong time and place, and I still love her. I'm glad that we are still friends. I hope I'm able to adjust to the change. It took me a long time to be at peace with things, after amaltheagray and I parted ways years ago. But I've learned and grown into myself since then.

That doesn't make it any easier.