(no subject)

At last, I feel I've found some peace.

(no subject)

Tonight: Coffee.

Tomorrow: The world.

musing

It was pointed out to me, last night, that in some ways my affection for Seattle was unhealthy. It was a home, a place to run to and hide in, a place where I am known and where there are people who care about me, where I know I have found a measure of respect among my peers. It was a sort of a security blanket, and I was psychologically dependent on it. The mere thought of living away from the city for any length of time made me uncomfortable.

With the events of a few weeks ago... I found myself having lost much, yes, but with that went the dependence on Seattle. I'd like to live here in the future, yes, but I don't need to. There are a lot of places where I think I would be unwilling to live... namely most anywhere hot and dry... but there are places I'm willing to consider, too.

This doesn't mean I'm going away forever. This just means that I've freed myself of a psychological shackle on my life that I didn't even know I had. I just wish that freedom hadn't come at such a high price.

I'm very, very excited about going to Europe. It has a very strong feeling of rightness about it. I really, really hope I get to go.

Even though it means -- among other things -- that I'd miss New Years Eve at the Manor, and Norwescon, and the early days of spring in Seattle, and perhaps the whole summer, and many of my other favorite times; and I would be far away from all of you, my friends...

But I want to explore this newfound sense of freedom; I want to go to other places and learn their souls. I no longer feel like I would wither and fade if separated from Seattle for too long.

I'll probably -- almost certainly -- come back. But I'm going to keep my options open.