(no subject)

well.

this christmas has been...not good.

i finally ditched my parents at about 10:30 last night, after i had just had quite enough of their alternating bursts of sulking and fighting. it wasn't christmas or any sort of holiday at all, at all. dan and kate took me out for a drink at the mercury at that point, feeding me vodka in a glass with no ice and letting me vent, and i felt better. they also gave me a bunch of burned cds -- underworld's latest album, several underworld live discs, remixes and other such things. all underworld. it's five cds of pure underworldy goodness.

i haven't even opened presents today, that's how not christmas it is. i just couldn't stand it with them sitting there and sulking. they perk up for a little while, then one or the other does something to set them off again. it's ludicrous. i've never seen it this bad.

i gave my mom a nice present, and it made her cry and be happy for a while. it was a picture frame with a prose poem i wrote about me in the future and things i want to do with my life, the message being that she should imagine a picture of that future me in that frame. she's been very worried about me lately, which isn't too suprising, and i think it made her feel better.

my dad i got a book. which i had already given him about six years ago. i felt like a total ass.

i am tired of this. i wish i could return all the gifts, take down the decorations, throw away the tree and pretend it all just hadn't happened. it would have been a better holiday had we done nothing, had we just relaxed.

i want to spend a christmas with my friends. i want to spend a christmas alone with a lover. i want to spend a christmas with parents who aren't spazzing out every time someone puts a fork down too loudly. i want to slow down, relax, and enjoy the holiday, rather than making such a big goddamn production about it.

i do not want another christmas like this.

i hope yours was better than mine.