and i know it's over.

[kespernorth]

Very suddenly, with little warning, Selena and I broke up.

She confessed to me, yesterday, that she had realized that she would be compromising too much of herself if she moved to Seattle to be with me, or indeed if she stayed in one place for too long. Her dream, her great dream, has always been to travel around, helping and teaching people, wandering the world.

And my dream is to write in Seattle, surrounded and inspired by it. And to have a home. And maybe one day get involved in politics here and try to make a difference that way, to fight against the slowly increasing bureaucratic opression and censorship I'[ve been seeing.

So I had a choice: either leave my home and follow her, and throwing my dream to the winds, or to live in Seattle and wait for her to decide to come and visit me.

I couldn't abandon my dream. And I couldn't live with my lover half a world away, waiting for her to fit me in when it was convenient.

And Selena realized this. We both did. And so we are... no longer together.

Our last words to one another in our most recent conversation were "I love you." We ended this not because we don't love each other -- we love each other just as much as we did that first fateful-beautiful weekend -- but we both find ourselves unable to give up our dreams for one another... and Selena and I don't think I can cope with sitting at home waiting for her. It wouldn't be fair.

We're still friends. Hopefully we always will be. We intend to keep in touch. We'll probably see each other again some day.

I... I'm not very well right now. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I thought I was going to get to. And now I['m not, and I don't, and I feel like part of me has been ripped out and stomped on.

I... I don't really feel like saying anything else right now, except this, which is for Selena:

Go, love. Go and follow your dreams, wherever they may take you, with my blessing. My thoughts and love go with you.

Comments

Why don't you come over and hang out?

[ulrich.livejournal.com]

Autumn and I are just cleaning up the apt and hanging out. You are welcome to come over and hang out, You dont need to talk about anything. just hang out with people who do care, if thats what you're in the mood for.

I don't know if you know the addy here but I'll give you the fone number here so you can get the addy. (206) 285-1613.

- Elric

Re: Why don't you come over and hang out?

[kespernorth.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Elric. I'm sorry I didn't get this message until today. It means a lot to me.

Re: Why don't you come over and hang out?

[ulrich.livejournal.com]

The offer is open still and standing open, six, and autumn say hi btw.

- Elric