rant: matchmaking

[kespernorth]

Ever since I was 16 or so, I've kind of unintentionally played matchmaker for my friends. I don't know what it is or how it happens, but I've occasionally happened to bring two friends of mine together, have them hit it off really well in that special way, and they end up having a nice relationship for a while. No permanent relationships so far, but that could change.

And sometimes I engineer these situations, in a blinding flash of intuition such as occasionally strikes me. Like as not, the male half of the equation is a close friend of mine, and the female is someone who I wouldn't mind dating myself, but for whatever reason she's just not interested in me.

(Scratch that: the reason has always been the fact that I am not skinny. Every single damn time, in point of fact; I am not skinny, and I am not dark-haired, and thus I Make A Great Friend. Feh!)

Such as it was when I was driving reality_deviant back to Bellingham, and vanquishedart called me on my celphone, and I had one of those little flashes of insight, and handed Amanda the phone. Result? A few weeks later, Amanda and Josh started dating. I'm happy for them, they've been through hard times and could use a break, and I know that Josh is a stand-up guy, unlike some of the skeezebags Amanda has dated. And no, Chris, I don't mean you, so don't look so offended.

But you know what? I could use a change in luck, too. There are times when I wish someone would play matchmaker for me, for once. There are times when I wish I wouldn't always lose women's attentions to someone thinner and darker-haired.

Which has happened nearly every time.

I'm tired of it.

Women are not immediately attracted to my looks, not by a long damn shot. I've never, to my knowledge, been the one being stared at from across the room and drooled over. I accept this. The only things I have to attract the opposite sex with are my heart and mind, and those might actually be worth something, you know! Hello! Ring, ring, it's the clue phone!

It'd be nice to be appreciated. It'd be nice to have someone be attracted to me more than those damn skinny boys. But it happens only once in a great while, and I always lose them to a skinny boy in the end. Because there are a lot of single, skinny boys out there. A lot of them are probably just as nice and caring and kind and intelligent and romantic as I am... and, since they are guys, they are a hell of a lot more desperate than the surrounding female population.

And I can't even fucking blame you girls. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't prefer some willowy fey creature to someone merely human if I had the choice. But you know what? Some of us are able to look past features that are too heavy, a bit of a paunch around the middle, and big bones, and see your finer qualities... and the contents of your heart. It'd be nice if more of you could do the same for us. I'll never be a skinny bishounen with romantic flowing locks, but that doesn't mean you should immediately write me off as "too ugly". Condescend to date the fat kid for once, won't you? You might be suprised how rewarding it is.

Comments

Gawd, Right on!

[jhonathand.livejournal.com]

*In televangelist type of voice and mood* Can I get an Amen my brother's and sistah's.

LOL,.....O.K. sorry about that. I just had to say it,.......and you know,.....the same goes for the gay comunity also,. It seems that the only Ppl who want to date me, Is 40 or 50 somethings, who, Just ,.......I'm sorry and i don't mean to be ageist, But Ewwwww.

It's all about guy's with Pec's and a six pack,.....and never mind the person standing in the corner, who can offer a really great relationshiop,...........and not treat you like just another one night stand,.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!, O.K. am better now,.........either way, all I'm saying is,......I know how you feel.

*hugz*,....................~M~

[punkrockgrrrl.livejournal.com]

Blah. I have thought you were hot since late 1997.

Before that you resembled a growing german shepard- bug paws all splayed and wiggly in the middle.

But now, yes, you are certainly the humpable sort.

Not, of course, like *my* opinion would count for squat here...

[pullthestars.livejournal.com]

some of us human girls out there actually prefer the meaty fellas to the skinny dear-god-I'd-break-them sort.

jus' sayin' - they do exist :)

[wendolen.livejournal.com]

You know, Sally's been trying to set you up with her friend for WEEKS now.

[blackmanxy.livejournal.com]

I don't mind too much that women pass me over for my looks. I'm just sick of listening to them list the traits they want in a guy, omitting "skinny," "athletic" and so forth. I mean fuck, if you want it, say so. Cut these bullshit pretenses of being deep enough to look beyond physical appearance when your actions constantly display your real priorities.

RAR.

[maxerg.livejournal.com]

So, where do I enter into this argument, dear Bjornses? Granted, you made a concession towards the 'fluffy' femmes in the world. But not many women out there are actually walking around in bodies more suited to the male population as far as build goes. So THBTBTBT! (Hee!)

And as for what appeals to me in a man? Big. Blue. Furry. Yes, I like a fantasy. Lalala, this is me not giving a fig. ;)

Lonesomeness is a bitch, but if you're with the wrong person, it's even more so. You and I both know this. Sit tight, li'l guy. Someone's out there holding your dance card.

~Max
The chick who can get away with calling you 'li'l guy'.

Even dead clowns can be funny sometimes.

[fusion359.livejournal.com]

I'm right there with you man. I've really never understood teh attraction to a guy that can't pick you up, throw you over his shoulder, and carry you upstairs for a night of lovin. besides, who wants to rest there head on protruding bone? Pudge = soft pillow. nuff said

the view from the other side

[foobiwan.livejournal.com]

i'm thin, dark-haired, have a six pack, and rarely get ass - and when i do, it's from girls with Issues (TM)

[vebelfetzer.livejournal.com]

"Always WHINING, Louie!"

Lemme tell you a little story, 'cause I dunno how else you're going to get this through your tawny head.

Once upon a time, in my youth, I went to a vampire game with a bunch of older college students. For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by folks who not only accepted me for who I was, but they actually enjoyed my company and asked me to come around more often. I loved them all and had a great time.

But one of the best things about gaming for gothling me was that there was a bevy of highly attractive young men for me to drool over. Most were attached or otherwise unavailable, and often I myself had a boyfriend, but that didn't stop me from admiring the stock, as it were.

A few of them were very much unlike the others, and I picked them out as my favorites. You, yes you, were in that group. Yes Bjorn, I thought you were very sexy. You know why? Because the character you were playing was reserved, yet forceful. Decadent, yet almost aescetic. But most alluring of all was his most obvious characteristic, his conscious recognition of his own power.

I got to know you better after my initial introduction to the group and was amazed at how different you were from your character. You whined a lot, as you do now. I still think you're neat, but you certainly aren't attractive to me anymore.

Now, I realize what you were doing was simply playing a role. But all you did was dash into a telephone booth and put on a vest and a clan pin and tadaaaa, you're Superventrue. So obviously it isn't that hard for you to be a self-confidant man who's in charge of himself and his surroundings, if only for a few hours every week. The next step is to shake all this girly bullshit you've saddled yourself with so that THAT part of you, whatever you were using as a source for that character, can surface for real.

Exhibit B, of course, is James Gandolfini, probably one of the sexiest men working in Hollywood today. Why? Raw self-confidance. He's fat, ugly, sweaty, bald. But it doesn't mean shit, because he still manages to soak the panties of millions of HBO viewers every week.

So pull yourself together. You have one up on Gandolfini, in that you are actually a physically attractive gothic man as opposed to being a flabby mafioso.

Next step is making yourself believe it.

And stop fucking blaming skinny people. It's fucking repulsive when people blame other body sizes for their shortcomings, but I think Jamie covered that aspect already.

Remember me?

[princessgeek.livejournal.com]

I linked over here from inevitabilitys journal. I think we've met, like once. And I remember thinking you were definitely humpable if it wasn't for all the whining. I agree with the James Gandolfini analysis.

It's pretty easy to blame it on other people. I spent a good deal of my life with a chip on my shoulder. I thought thin people hated me because I was fat. Guess what? They hated me because I was a bitch to them because I assumed they hated me. It's a vicious circle. Everyone has problems - especially finding love. And skinny people have just as many problems but its even harder for them because they don't get the excuse "I didn't get the promotion/date/etc because I'm fat", they have to find another reason.

from one of the skinny kids

[placain.livejournal.com]

And sometimes the skinny kid gets so skinny he actually becomes physically ill and then the girl leaves him because he's always sick and therefore never much fun.

[theda.livejournal.com]

I was rereading old journal stuff and came across this post again. After having spoken to you again at Tara's party I really felt the need to pipe up.
Not all women prefer skinny men.
Matter of fact I distinctly DO NOT prefer them, I should have given you a moment to speak with my friend Janine when she was here, she had known the last few men that I have dated and could tell you stories..(well maybe I'm a little happy she had very little story telling time while she was here... :P)
I am very much attracted to large men, and not just large as in tall. In the book The Godfather, the phrase they use for the older powerful men, the older dons is "Men with belly." It meant strength. I find larger men incredibly attractive, and I know that I am not the only woman that feels that way..
I actually dug through an old 100 things about Jenga list and I wrote:

17. I could never find a man attractive that I could snap over my knee.
from
http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=theda&itemid=199151

Here's the deal daddy-o, find the right girl.. Be in the right state of mind to recognize her when she shows up.
Go from there.

[katieblackheart.livejournal.com]

bjorn, bjorn, bjorn...i know that i'm the last person you want to hear it from, but generally, women do not prefer skinny men. it's not really an outside issue, and i think that most people with any amount of intelligence recognize that. i've been duped before into thinking that someone acually liked me when they really just wanted to get me in bed. at first, i said, 'fucking body, why do you have to be all skinny and cultural whatever,' but then i realized that it's not the outside. hell, i've gained weight; there's plenty of girls skinnier than me now, but you know what, i still attract a good amount of people. some of them i find interesting and some i don't. i think that i, as a girl, might realize more when someone is interested because guys do have a tendency to be a little more obvious. so, you never know how many girls might be interested and for whatever reason, the message is not getting across. and let me say this, who ever these girls that are only interested in skinny guys are, they are obviously shallow. that's how it works. i'm not saying this as any sort of mightier-than-they (?) sort of thing, i've done it too, but really, honestly, think about it. maybe part of the problem is that you set other people up so often that you are constantly surrounded by people that are together and it gets a little bothersome. just remember this, though, no matter how lonely you feel when you're single, it's much worse if you're with someone you shouldn't be with...

surfer

[great-dame.livejournal.com]

beautiful entry!