kespernorth | rant: matchmaking

Ever since I was 16 or so, I've kind of unintentionally played matchmaker for my friends. I don't know what it is or how it happens, but I've occasionally happened to bring two friends of mine together, have them hit it off really well in that special way, and they end up having a nice relationship for a while. No permanent relationships so far, but that could change.

And sometimes I engineer these situations, in a blinding flash of intuition such as occasionally strikes me. Like as not, the male half of the equation is a close friend of mine, and the female is someone who I wouldn't mind dating myself, but for whatever reason she's just not interested in me.

(Scratch that: the reason has always been the fact that I am not skinny. Every single damn time, in point of fact; I am not skinny, and I am not dark-haired, and thus I Make A Great Friend. Feh!)

Such as it was when I was driving

reality_deviant back to Bellingham, and

vanquishedart called me on my celphone, and I had one of those little flashes of insight, and handed Amanda the phone. Result? A few weeks later, Amanda and Josh started dating. I'm happy for them, they've been through hard times and could use a break, and I know that Josh is a stand-up guy, unlike some of the skeezebags Amanda has dated. And no, Chris, I don't mean you, so don't look so offended.

But you know what? I could use a change in luck, too. There are times when I wish someone would play matchmaker for me, for once. There are times when I wish I wouldn't always lose women's attentions to someone thinner and darker-haired.

Which has happened nearly every time.

I'm tired of it.

Women are not immediately attracted to my looks, not by a long damn shot. I've never, to my knowledge, been the one being stared at from across the room and drooled over. I accept this. The only things I have to attract the opposite sex with are my heart and mind, and those might actually be worth something, you know! Hello! Ring, ring, it's the clue phone!

It'd be nice to be appreciated. It'd be nice to have someone be attracted to me more than those damn skinny boys. But it happens only once in a great while, and I always lose them to a skinny boy in the end. Because there are a lot of single, skinny boys out there. A lot of them are probably just as nice and caring and kind and intelligent and romantic as I am... and, since they are guys, they are a hell of a lot more desperate than the surrounding female population.

And I can't even fucking blame you girls. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't prefer some willowy fey creature to someone merely human if I had the choice. But you know what? Some of us are able to look past features that are too heavy, a bit of a paunch around the middle, and big bones, and see your finer qualities... and the contents of your heart. It'd be nice if more of you could do the same for us. I'll never be a skinny bishounen with romantic flowing locks, but that doesn't mean you should immediately write me off as "too ugly". Condescend to date the fat kid for once, won't you? You might be suprised how rewarding it is.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i'm thin, dark-haired, have a six pack, and rarely get ass - and when i do, it's from girls with Issues (TM)

Yeah, fucking a.

Usually, this type of stuff is expressed by the seagoth chicks. "Skinny girls have ruined my life." I have to admit, I wasn't /that/ shocked to hear it from Bjorn but I did find it aggravating.

Bjorn, this attitude of yours is a sickness. Life doesn't revolve around your girth. It doesn't. And contrary to popular belief, the standards for male sexual beauty revolve much more around attitude and confidance than they do around appearance. Your using your appearance (which is NOT unseemly, btw) as a shield for your shortcomings due to low self worth. Yes, most of your troubles are due to low self worth.

Look at these "skinny boys" you so desperately envy. Ignore their bodies and look at how they act, how they carry themselves, and how they behave around women. THAT is why they get the dates, Bjorn. It isn't because they are built like rails, it's because they likely radiate confidance and confidance is attractive.

Now look at yourself honestly. You stoop, you tend to not look women in the eye and (as I've noticed) often appear to talk to their chests because you're probably avoiding eye contact, you're often shy and withdrawn around women you like, and don't project your full potential. All of these things have nothing to do with what waist size your pants are, rather they have to do with the fact that you display how little you must think of yourself. Body language is a large portion of attraction, not your dimensions.

Remember way back when I told you that you behaved like a female cat and you responded by saying in a whiny tone "My girlfriend said the same thing." There is something telling in that. Women love cats, and from what I can tell they dig on female cats a lot. But as companions and sort of friends. That is probably one of the reasons you have issues with women, Bjorn. Because you behave, often times, like one of the girls. And I'm not condemning you for it. That is you and I'm not trying to change you at all. However, I do resent being fingered as the cause for your suffering.

Look to thine own eyes in most situations, Bjorn.

Excellent analysis; point taken.

Thanks. Hope I wasn't too harsh in my appraisal. It's never my intention to pull you down.

No, actually, I thought you did it really well and with great sensitivity. I was impressed, and not offended at all.

From one big guy to another: its all in the confidence. If you got's the eye o' the tiger, you'll get the tail.

It isn't because they are built like rails, it's because they likely radiate confidance and confidance is attractive.
Good point, but remember one thing: The former (being thing) tends to beget the latter (having confidance). Why? Because that's the way our culture is slanted. No big. Lemme tell you a story: I was at a party with my buds, and was chattin' up this girl. Full on confidence, making her laugh, feeling good. I ask her one question, "So, when you first saw me what was the first thing you thought of? Don't think, just answer!"

Her answer? "That you were fat."

My answer? "Alright, *sneer* nice talking to you (bitch)."

So, the fucked up thing is that even handsome, charming, and funny guys like myself get the brush-off. *shrugs* Not that I blame the Matchstick Men out there, I think you guys might have a gland condition. ;)

However, I do resent being fingered as the cause for your suffering.
What makes you think he was specifically talking about you, Vato?

Because I am one of the guys who are naturally thin.

Go ahead and bitch about the cultural slant, Tim, but I guarantee that I was beaten up far more in school than you. And you didn't see me walking around saying "Those fucking big kids are the cause of my suffering." No, you saw me learning how to street-fight in a manner that was twice as vicious as any big kid could muster. I did it because I wasn't willing to settle for self pity and accept my fate. What about that, Tim? I sure as hell didn't demand that the bullies see the error in their ways and pick on the big kids, which is basically what happens with this "Skinny people fucked my life up" bs.

And also keep in mind that everyone has body preference sizes. People who prefer overweight lovers are usually applauded as heroes. But people who like thinner people are villains. Fuck that, Tim. It's a load of shit and if you want to talk about a fucked up cultural slant you better start looking at all the angles because I, as a thin white male, am regarded by almost everyone as the face of evil. So fuck your cultural slant, I dont have any sympathy for it because I've been fucked around as well and I'm betting that your nose isn't crooked from being repeatedly broken.

Everyone gets fucked around regardless of body size or whatever. Shifting blame, especially shifting it on me, simply because you aren't willing to play the hand you are dealt is something that annoys the shit out of me.

Actually, I don't hold anything against skinny guys. I was more annoyed at the girls who were going for them over me.

Relax. Seemed like I pushed a button.

I never said that "skinny people fucked up my life". That's a load. I'm also not wallowing in self-pity. In the story I told you, I brushed off the chick and enjoyed myself for the rest of the evening.

As far as my nose, its not broken because I know how to handle a fight, and I'm lucky. Its not for lack of a fist aimed at it. Not because I'm a thin white male, but because I'm a minority. *shrug*

rant: matchmaking

the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side

Re: the view from the other side