still stuck in hell
Oct. 1st, 2001 09:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kespernorthi didn't get the job.
i didn't get the FUCKING job.
they said i did great in the interview and clearly had a serious committment to f5, but that they found someone who had more skills and experience more specific to the position. (and in this job market i can easily believe that...).
they said that they still want to look at me for other positions, particularly if any should open on the edge-fx team (which is where i worked before). they'll know whether they're going to be hiring anyone in the next year or so by the end of this month.
...all this aside, i'm practically hysterical. i'm a quivering wreck of a human being. how much longer am i going to be stuck here in limbo? how much longer do i have to go through this?
i am more conscious now than ever of mortality. every day that i am stuck here is another day that could have been very different -- that could have been spent living the life that i want to lead. and we only get so many days. and call me selfish but i want to feel them all, enjoy them all.
i wanted so badly for this summer -- the summer that just ended -- to be young and rich and free. it wasn't. oh, no, it wasn't. there were a few brilliant moments, to be sure, but there was nothing, nothing that wouldn't have been improved by having a job in my industry. by being able to move the fuck back out of my parents' house.
how much longer do i have to waste time this way? how much longer do i have to live with my parents, who will surely drive me insane before long? i'm no good to any employer if their fights and their restrictions wear me down into a nervous breakdown.
i feel angry and sad and very, very tired.
i am so sick of this.
i didn't get the FUCKING job.
they said i did great in the interview and clearly had a serious committment to f5, but that they found someone who had more skills and experience more specific to the position. (and in this job market i can easily believe that...).
they said that they still want to look at me for other positions, particularly if any should open on the edge-fx team (which is where i worked before). they'll know whether they're going to be hiring anyone in the next year or so by the end of this month.
...all this aside, i'm practically hysterical. i'm a quivering wreck of a human being. how much longer am i going to be stuck here in limbo? how much longer do i have to go through this?
i am more conscious now than ever of mortality. every day that i am stuck here is another day that could have been very different -- that could have been spent living the life that i want to lead. and we only get so many days. and call me selfish but i want to feel them all, enjoy them all.
i wanted so badly for this summer -- the summer that just ended -- to be young and rich and free. it wasn't. oh, no, it wasn't. there were a few brilliant moments, to be sure, but there was nothing, nothing that wouldn't have been improved by having a job in my industry. by being able to move the fuck back out of my parents' house.
how much longer do i have to waste time this way? how much longer do i have to live with my parents, who will surely drive me insane before long? i'm no good to any employer if their fights and their restrictions wear me down into a nervous breakdown.
i feel angry and sad and very, very tired.
i am so sick of this.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 09:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 10:15 am (UTC)So. You're not the only one doing this, as should be pretty obvious. :)
I wish you well, of course. And it stands to reason that things will get better--we had the bad fortune to be in college through most of the Dot-Com Boom and graduate into a bitter and tighter-pursed world.
It ain't gonna suck for the rest of our lives. Doesn't make it any easier to slog on, though, does it? Stick with it, tiger.
(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 10:33 am (UTC)High Tech Career Fair tomorrow.
You'll find something, dude. Our lives have all taken on a distinct quality of Office Space, which is disturbing, but sooner or later you'll find something. Maybe you should start looking outside of the Seattle area. Seattle is being hardest hit from all this shit.
(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 02:41 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2001-10-01 03:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 11:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 02:42 pm (UTC)i don't even get to keep what i earn. all but $100 of every paycheck is going to pay off debts on credit card and money i owe my parents.
i could stand this deli thing if i at least got to use the money i earned... but at this rate i won't even have the credit card paid off until january, and then i'll still have another thousand oweing to my parents...
(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 01:00 pm (UTC)*hug*
*love*
(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 02:49 pm (UTC)I'll keep trying. But I feel pretty hopeless. I just got through looking at the High Tech Jobs supplement in today's Seattle Times and didn't see a single position that I had a prayer of getting with my skilsl and experience.
I just don't know what I'm going to do. I can't go on this way forever.
And every time the economy starts to look like it's recovering, some idiot flies a plane into something important, or the like.
When will it end?
(no subject)
Date: 2001-10-01 03:42 pm (UTC)Real answer: Probly in about eight or nine months, depending on the war thing. Or so the pundits say. Airline CEOs say we're fucked for a good few years, but then they're up for government support money. Luckily, private citizens can get that too.