still stuck in hell

[kespernorth]

i didn't get the job.

i didn't get the FUCKING job.

they said i did great in the interview and clearly had a serious committment to f5, but that they found someone who had more skills and experience more specific to the position. (and in this job market i can easily believe that...).

they said that they still want to look at me for other positions, particularly if any should open on the edge-fx team (which is where i worked before). they'll know whether they're going to be hiring anyone in the next year or so by the end of this month.

...all this aside, i'm practically hysterical. i'm a quivering wreck of a human being. how much longer am i going to be stuck here in limbo? how much longer do i have to go through this?

i am more conscious now than ever of mortality. every day that i am stuck here is another day that could have been very different -- that could have been spent living the life that i want to lead. and we only get so many days. and call me selfish but i want to feel them all, enjoy them all.

i wanted so badly for this summer -- the summer that just ended -- to be young and rich and free. it wasn't. oh, no, it wasn't. there were a few brilliant moments, to be sure, but there was nothing, nothing that wouldn't have been improved by having a job in my industry. by being able to move the fuck back out of my parents' house.

how much longer do i have to waste time this way? how much longer do i have to live with my parents, who will surely drive me insane before long? i'm no good to any employer if their fights and their restrictions wear me down into a nervous breakdown.

i feel angry and sad and very, very tired.

i am so sick of this.

Comments

Re:

[inevitability.livejournal.com]

Well, out of WA would be best.